apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
