i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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