You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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