I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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