so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Randomize
