1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
