So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
