i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
