dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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