I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
