I wanna passion pit in your ass
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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