you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
