White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
