All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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