How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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