God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize