trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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