Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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