How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
