you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this is an emotional support booty call
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
