you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
