It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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