ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
