Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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