hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize