The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
