Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
