atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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