Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
