Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
