STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
