omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
