i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
