Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
