I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
