kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
