So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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