NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
