Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize