i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
