At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
