How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
