My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
