I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
