End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
