I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Where is the hickey?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
