remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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