She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
