You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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