ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
