I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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