a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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