You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
