I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
FUCK WHALES
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