How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize