I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
