Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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