So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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