I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
