that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
