dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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