Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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