when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
