Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is my gift to your gina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
