Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
