Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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