Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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