im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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