I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
