DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
