He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
