Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
