so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
