I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
