she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
