I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
