i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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