3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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