Redeem this text for a blowjob
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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