If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize