You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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